Chain Guard Please

I always see one thing that is conspicuously absent from any off these urban utility bikes that fucktard-design companies squirt out of their ass whenever there is a competition they can "win," and you guessed it, it's a chain guard.

I know I took the chain guard off my huffy bmx bike back in 1994, but I now know that it was a very serious mistake and any person that actually wants to ride their bike around like a normal person wearing normal clothes knows that the biggest hurdle to overcome when trying to cycle around town is grease stains smeared across every single pair off pants that you own, or worse getting your pants stuck in the chain and toppling over into someone's garbage can and having fast food bags filled with trash thrown at you from SUV windows by smiling children.

The crappy thing about commuting by bi-cycle is that you actually have to think about what you wear. I think that it is another conspiracy from the car companies, like helmets, that almost no commute worthy bicycle comes equipped with a chain guard so you can wear what you please. Every single "urban" bicycle I see has all the amenities to haul furniture, but doesn't have anything that can allow you to wear jeans that weren't borrowed from your eleven-year-old-anorexic sister.

The only exception to the rule is 800 euro dutch bicycles. I'd love to have one, but I'm just fresh out of euros, and the $200 shipping charge isn't the most cost effective thing ever.

I guess it's too early for such radically innovative things in the United States when whether or not it's appropriate to run street tires at 98 psi rather than 99 psi is such a divisive issue in the the cycling world.

Go mash some pedals.

The Joys of Crappy Bikes

Since I'm now determined to turn that crappy mountain bike into something interesting that I might ride around on, I've been spending a few hours a day working on (aka destroying) it. The only thing I've really managed to do to it is destroy the bottom bracket, which needed to be replaced anyway and loosening up the stem, which had formally been seized up. I hadn't even realized that I could get it to raise up until now. I'd just kinda been dealing with it.

The experience so far has made me grateful that I'm working out all the kinks of doing this kind of work on a crappy mountain bike and not destroying my beloved Blue Thunder. Now I just need to either A: get replacement cranks, bottom bracket and single chain ring or B: find a really cheap cruiser style bike on craigslist and gut it for parts. I'm hoping for the cruiser.

Go mash some pedals.

The Great Basement Bike Build

I've had an old Murray mountain bike in my basement for what seems like three years, possibly even four and I just couldn't bring myself to get rid of it mostly because I've had plans for it. The plans have changed drastically over the years, but I think I've finally actually decided on something that might actually be worth doing with it. While the bike itself is a piece of shit and all the components are crap there is one pretty good thing about it and that is that the parts for this particular type of bicycle are very cheap. I found a chain ring with the right amount of teeth that I want for it running about six dollars online, which is a hell of a lot better than the $54.00 for a crank set that I was looking for. The actual good thing about the crank set is that apparently it is the only type of crank set where you don't need any specialty tools to take it apart. You only need an adjustable wrench and a screwdriver, which is awesome, because I don't have the right tools to take apart a bottom bracket. I now have a project for this bike, which will be much better than the idea of trying to turn it into a funky riding lawn mover for my push-reel mower. I've been wanting to put together a type of bike build and since I already have this frame and most of the components to already make it a working bicycle then I can just work with what I got and not spend all that much more money. 1x8 speed urban utility cruiser here we come. I'd like to turn the bicycle into a slick, internal hub gear, chopper type cruiser that I can make all fancy. More like a low rider than an actual bicycle and it will give me an excuse to try my hand at some serious bicycle mechanicdom. The other option for the bicycle is to turn it into a single speed cruiser. There really seem to be a whole lot of options for this type of build and I'm going to post my progress as I go.

 

Go mash some pedals.

Those shoaling freds

The other day me and the wife went out for a ride to Wake Forest and back. It's a short ride with some nice scenery, so we figured it would be a good way to spend a little part of the day. It was on this ride when it happened. We'd pulled up to a busy road when a pair of freds straddling carbon wonder bikes came shoaling up next to us. They didn't say 'hello' just rode up right next to us ready to jump into traffic at the smallest gap.

Now the pair of bikes that my wife and I have are not the fastest looking things. To most people they probably look like cruisers with the high handlebars and milk crates on the back, along with all the fenders and stuff. I can't really blame people for thinking that I'm slow, but I'm not. I'm not the fastest guy on the block, but I've got a decent engine and I've done enough riding to know that most spandex clad Tour de France fantasy riders are weekend warriors stuck in a perpetual recovery day loop.

I don't really chase after people. It was only really a coincidence that they were heading the same way that we were heading. We were heading home. I'm not sure where they were heading. I was however determined to teach them a lesson if I could, so I kept up with them as leisurely as possible. My wife was with me, so I couldn't blast past them like I wanted to, so I just kept the gap consistent. Every time the freds looked behind them there I was in all my splendor, sitting tall and upright, one hand on the handlebars, wearing knickerbockers, a t-shirt and what I hoped was a big friendly grin on my face.

I'm not sure where they were going, but after almost yawning my way up a hill they tried to muscle up they decided to turn around and head back the other way.

I don't think they were really trying that hard to break away from us. My wife swears that they were, but I'm not completely convinced. Even though, they didn't seem to be putting much power into their riding, they were technically more aerodynamic, so they should have been able to go faster with less effort, especially with the light weight bikes with no accessories and they definitely didn't have a five pound chain lock rattling around in their basket.

I'm guessing that they were just tired of us chasing them, but I can't really be sure about that. I'm only inferring it because they turned around almost randomly.

The point is that I hate it when people shoal. I never shoal, because I never know how fast someone is going to be going. I usually just wait till they get going and then decide whether or not I'm going to pass them. It's really the only polite thing to do. I don't know how many times people have cruised on up next to me on their racing cycle and then had me following close behind because they're going ten miles per hour.

Be polite, don't judge a bike by its handlebars and go mash some pedals.

Bike Wreck

I haven't posted in what seems like a few weeks and the reason is fairly simple. I broke my arm recently in a fairly spectacular bicycle wreck. Fortunately only a small piece of my front derailer, a reflector and a bell were all that were broken on my bike. Blue thunder still rides.

Long story short a car break checked me while I was going about 30 mph down Hawthorne Rd. and I went ass over tea kettle onto my arm. Thankfully it was a rather quiet Sunday afternoon so there wasn't a teenage SUV driver texting on her phone right behind me, so I was able to pick myself up and limp the two miles back to my house and then on to the urgent care.

While my arm hasn't completely healed, my doctor has cleared me for riding because of the new awesome Bosco bars I got from Rivendell, which make my bike have a more upright riding style, well completely upright really with an extra hand position that equals the flat bar that I did have on it if I want to get all "areo."

The derailer still works thankfully and the thing seems to be riding fine, but I've been thinking about changing up the transmission a little bit. Too bad I have no money.

Hopefully there will be more posts to come in the future.

Go mash some pedals.