I love watching "Line of Sight" with the audio off. It's not because I don't like the music, because the music is awesome. I can't say that Lucas Brunelle, or whatever the fuck the tech geek's name is, has bad taste in music. It's because without the adrenaline pumping sound track it's like watching guys in tight pants roller skate through a traffic jam. I know he thinks he's "hardcore" because he rides through "big city traffic," but I've seen five years old children hauling their three year old siblings through thicker traffic and families of five on one moped salmon through traffic faster and calmer than these people "weave" through strolling pedestrians. It looks fast when someone on a fixed gear pedals away like a hamster desperate to prove that he's finally gonna run his way out of that wheel, but when you notice the people with baby strollers moving the same speed through the intersections you just have to wonder whether the music is giving a little more emotional license to the scenes than the actual riding. (I'm fast. I ride on the top of track bars.)
I know that Luca "small arms" Brunelle thinks he's bad when he holds up a Tavor rifle and a bicycle up at the same time on the sands behind his summer house, but I'm from the South. I carry a .45 ACP cocked and locked on my hip all day, every day. Not just when I'm riding and even when I'm playing speed chess, except not in a stupid cycling cap. It's North Carolina, and the only thing we like more than barbeque is carrying guns, which N.C. drivers don't seem to understand unless I'm rolling by.
"Line of Sight" is like the skate videos I liked to watch as a kid, well I still like to watch them, they're idiotic, dangerous, and fun to watch. The only difference is that being an amateur skateboarder is not like being an amateur bicycle messenger. I used to deliver pizza, but I don't brag about how fast I can deliver piping hot commercial shit to people that don't tip. I never said, "I'm a professional pizza delivery driver. Not just anyone can do it. You need toes of steel, tight pants, and a stupid hat."
If I hadn't known better, I would have sworn that Bobe Jr. faggot with the plumber's crack showing was a guy I served with in the Marine Corps, except that guy was actually hardcore because he fought in a war, and didn't just ride a bicycle through New York. "Oh no the 90 lbs guy on a bicycle is yelling at me." If some skeleton on a fixie threatened me like that, I'd crush his fucking throat with the palm of my hand.
I'm not saying that I don't like the film, because I love it. I think it's hilarious. I love it so much that I'm inviting Lucas Brunelle to ride down interstate 40 during rush hour, since he loves the thrill. We haven't reached peak traffic like those cock suckers in New York, so we still drive bumper to bumper at 80 miles per hour, so let's see how hardcore you are. I'll film you.
I might even call 911 for you.
Go mash some pedals and don't be like this douche bag.
(I hope this pops up on his Google alerts)
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